The Mercedes-AMG GT53 is a masterclass in smoke and mirrors

Each good magician has a trick they’re well-known for as soon as the key will get out

Almost a century in the past, magicians generally reduce their feminine assistants in half. The assistant would climb into a big field the place each the top and toes may very well be seen protruding. The magician would produce a comically massive noticed and start to chop the all too keen sufferer in half. The noticed would exit the underside of the field, which was then unfold for everybody to see head and legs had been now separate. This was the gold customary in magic acts till the key was launched and all of us felt a bit dumber for having been fooled. That is precisely how I really feel after driving the brand new 2022 Mercedes-Benz (AMG) GT53. 

A fast dive into the automotive finds a mixed 429 horsepower 3.0L inline-6 that’s each electrically supercharged, turbocharged, AND has a 21 horsepower AC motor. This mid-level trim (there’s a GT43 and V8 GT63) can obtain zero to sixty in a tic over 4 seconds—due to all-wheel drive, 315mm rear tires, and a reliable 9-speed computerized. The quarter is available in at 12.8 seconds (as examined by Automobile and Driver). To date, this magic trick seems like it will likely be entertaining. The woman is climbing into the field, however the place is the noticed?

The noticed is within the look. Modern and low and large. The rear deck has a slope meaning to carve oxygen and nitrogen, and the entrance has a deep spoiler with a big and upright pie-cut-into-tri brand so desired worldwide. The status continues inside with sufficient infotainment, devices, and expertise to provide the aged a stroke. Vivid completed trim and a number of the nicer sprint vents are painfully apparent to supply the best ‘Oohs and ahhs’. Even the seatbelts, that are yellow, scream showboating.

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On the street, it’s nothing lower than wizardry. As an alternative of ‘how’d they reduce that woman in half’ it’s ‘how the hell is that this factor so quick… and loud!’ Shifts come fast—BANG! 2nd gear! BANG third gear! (Extra like BANG! Gear unknown! It doesn’t matter, it’s a 9-speed.) The exhaust be aware is throaty and uncooked like a 70-year-old lifetime smoker who’s coughing up what’s left of their pulmonary system—uncooked and forceful, if not a bit gross. 

I blasted previous a crowd on the nook. The automotive was pegged and loudly screaming from its disposal pipes. But… the pedestrians didn’t even look nor shake. What provides? I rolled down the window and took a pay attention. It was quiet as a church and loud because the bells at midday inside. Pretend exhaust notes… the trick fell aside…

Two assistants in a single field? What a crock! Pretend exhaust notes?! Larger crock. The key was revealed. Because the ‘oohs and ahhs’ started sporting off, I started to notice all of the tell-tale indicators of a trick. The expertise, whereas dramatic, was complicated. The button format is in depth and complicated. My cellphone, resting within the cupholder, allowed the navigation button to get bumped always. The steering wheel has simply sufficient Alcantara to change into filthy in a weekend. 

However by far worst had been the seats. If the federal government desires us to change into a skinnier and fitter nation, they should have contracted MBZ to construct these seats to remind you: that you’re fats. They’re completely tighter than tight. The aspect bolsters had been shoved into my armpits and my backside felt prefer it was shoved right into a 5-gallon bucket. This wouldn’t be too unhealthy if the door entry had been larger. I practically threw my neck out simply climbing in. This automotive should have taken a take a look at the Alfa Giulia’s comically unhealthy door entry and stated: We will be horrible too! 

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And the key is out, ‘Mercedes the Nice and Highly effective’ can not reduce individuals into half. The trick is mere gimmick. The crowds fail to return and will by no means except a brand new act is created. And for a beginning base value of $99,995, it’s an costly present, one which ought to be far cheaper. The GT53 is 2 and a half tons of smoke and mirrors. It’s enjoyable whereas the trick is stored secret.

– M. T. Blake (www.mtblake.internet / IG @ _mtblake)